I Am SO Asian

I never thought I’d see the day, folks. But I have fallen in love with karaoke.

Me! This girl here, who until recently, would sooner die than take the mic and sing cheesy songs in front of strangers – now hogs the remote to pick out said cheesy songs!

Before coming to Asia, I’d only done karaoke one time in my life.

It was with my girls from Playboy Radio (yes, Playboy has a radio station, and yes, I used to work there).

It was Dirty Marie’s birthday. And it was at the famed Dimples karaoke bar in Burbank, California, just down the street from my old apartment.

Dimples was known at the time (and maybe even now, I wouldn’t know) for two things: streaming their karaoke stage live on the internet for the world to see, and for the occasional celebrity visit.

Oh, and Mr. Belding.

For my non-American readers, Mr. Belding is a character on a TV show called Saved by the Bell which was very popular among kids and teens in the late 80s/early 90s. It’s been in syndication ad nauseam, and remains one of my fave shows of all time. I heart Zach Morris.

I digress.

Mr. Belding was quite a regular, so it was no surprise to see him there. He belted out show tunes all night (and he’s not bad), while my girls and I sat at the front of the room drinking dirty martinis and getting stupid. He then of course did his usual flirting thing with us and took a few photos. I wish I knew where those photos were.

Anyway, it was a weeknight so there were only about 15 people in the bar. As the loudest group there, my girls and I had full reign of the stage whenever Mr. Belding took flirt-breaks.

The lovely Miriam, Playmate and talented singer, took the mic and nailed her rendition of “Killing Me Softly” a la The Fugees.

Michelle, also quite the songstress, would wow everyone with a Christina Aguilera song.

Me, I would hide in the corner if anyone even hinted that I took the stage. I was perfectly happy with my martini. Actually, that’s a lie. Dimples makes horrible dirty martinis. Doh!

I’m not kidding when I say I suck at karaoke. I really suck! And I don’t suck in a cute way like Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend’s Wedding. While I come from a very musical family and know how to carry a tune, the sound of my voice itself is just gawd-awful. Really, really unpleasant.

So of course I’m not gonna take the stage. At least not by myself. But after incessant badgering by the karaoke host, I agreed to get up on stage with the girls in a group song. We put on ridiculous accessories from the stage box like feather boas and cowboy hats. I opted for the huge yellow football helmet that would cover most of my face.

We didn’t pick a song though. We couldn’t think of one, so we let the host choose one for us.

Yeah, that was a bad move. When you coerce a bunch of drunk girls from Playboy to take the stage, apparently, the only logical song is “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas.

Oh gawd, we were terrible. How do you suck at a song that doesn’t require any singing? The majority of that song is sassy talking, and we couldn’t even get that right. I think we got boooo’d. Haha.

Even Mr. Belding ignored us the rest of the night. Bahhahaha.

Anyway, karaoke is different in Asia. You get your own soundproof room, uniquely decorated with dim lighting, top-of-the-line table service, and an electronic menu of tunes to choose from. I have on many occasions now joined complete strangers in karaoke rooms and found myself totally in love!

I like to sing the usual suspects: Billy Joel, Madonna, Bob Marley, ABBA, Britney Spears (hey, I can’t help it that her songs are delightfully easy). Some Shakira, Michael Jackson. Anything with an easy, recognizable tune.

I have even dared to sing a song in Vietnamese! It’s a popular ballad called “Uoc Gi” which I’ve now karaoke’d many many times. It reminds me of my seester (love you Vy!). Funny thing is, I don’t know the words, but I can read them in Vietnamese on the screen – and even while reading and singing them, I have no idea what they mean.

I have killer voice-eye coordination

As for my voice itself? Yeah, it still induces face contortions among my audiences.

(OMG I just made myself laugh really hard!)

Who knows if I’ll ever have the balls to sing on stage American-style or around people I actually know. But I quite like this anonymous Asian karaoke thing. This could be trouble!

For your sing-a-long pleasure, here is “Uoc Gi”: